i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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