yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
