I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize