he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
