yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
