WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
