Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
