I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize