Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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