found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
