On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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