Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
