Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
