So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
