I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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