Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
