Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
