I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
