Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize