This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
