You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
