why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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