WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
