There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think my vagina is haunted
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
