But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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