Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
