I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
