Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize