Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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