How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
