No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
