i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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