I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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