So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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