I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
