i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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