she was so not down for the gang bang
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize