when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
