separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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