i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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