he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
