You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
