He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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