We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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