capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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