Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
