i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
