my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
