I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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