So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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