Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
