So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
