I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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