it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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