if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
