Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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