Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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