she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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