I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
