we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
