Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
