Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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