My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize