Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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