Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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