Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
