I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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